Broken tension
[CONTAINS: Gay tension, gay kissing, gay…sexing? maybe? eventually? I really really want to finish this, but I don’t know how to write a sex scene. I haven’t even vaguely planned what will happen…]
[the beginning is pretty bad, bear with me]
Zvezdelín and Innokéntij got home drunk to Kesha’s apartment after hanging out at the abandoned factory.
Zvezdelin hung on to Kesha to not fall over while taking off his shoes.
“I need to shower real bad”, Zvezdelin stumbled against the wall. “I smell like a sweaty ass locker room.”
“Me too, haha.”
“What, noo, you smell nice..like..you. You smell like you.. And you smell nice.”
“Pfff, what the hell man..”
He smiled and leaned close to Kesha's ear
“Take the compliment, asshole..” The whisper sent tingles down Kesha’s spine. He snorted, panicked, and tried to ignore the closeness of his friend's body.
“Bro, what is wrong with you?”
He stumbled past Zvezdelin, into the living room and slumped down on the couch.
Zvezdelin grinned to himself and followed him.
He sat down beside Kesha and flopped back against the back of the couch.
[the choose a movie]
[dvd freezes or something]
“Hey, man, can I say something?” He turned to look at Kesha.
“Yeah, what’s up?”, Kesha answered, while he kept rubbing the shiny disk with the fabric of his shirt.
Zvezdelin took a deep breath. Suddenly, a spark of doubt spread in his chest. Maybe he had misunderstood something? Could it be payment for something else? Drugs maybe? Was he overthinking this whole scenario?
Kesha stopped his polishing and turned to him with a slightly confused expression. Zvezdelin cleared his throat nervously and looked down at his feet. Come on, just say it, pussy!
“I know what Dimka does,” he blurted out while keeping his gaze fixed on the floor. The sudden silence in the room was suffocating. Zvezdelin held his breath in suspense, praying that Kesha understood what he meant and he didn’t need to embarrass himself more by explaining further. He glanced over at Kesha from the corner of his eye. He was staring at the bouncing icon on the screen, but not following it with his eyes. All kinds of thoughts were probably racing through his head. How should he even continue now?
“I mean, uhh, I saw you were…giving him money", Zvezdelin said carefully. “I- I know him.” Kesha’s head moved slightly to look over at him. He didn't need to say anything for Zvezdelin to understand. He spared Kesha the shame of asking outright. He sighed and hung his head down in some sort of defeat.
“Yeah, from…”, he rubbed his hands over the back of his neck. “...personal experience.”
It was quiet. Zvezdelin couldn't tell if the silence was hostile or not. He could see Kesha was thinking hard about his words, slowly forming a question in his mouth. He turned his face away from Zvezdelin and took a silent breath. His voice was low and husky, badly disguising his interest.
“...did you…like it?”
Zvezdelin’s eyes widened at the unexpected question. Is this it? Was Kesha…finally making a move? His body tensed up, and the filthiest emotions emerged from the back of his head. Ok, don’t blow it, Zvezdelin.
“Yeah, I liked it...” he said slowly, matching Kesha’s tone. “I liked it a lot.”
He swore he could hear Kesha letting out a shaky breath.
It was true, Dimka was not an ugly guy, and certainly could suck a dick, but Zvezdelin knew he was only a replacement…
[pov change, i guess?]
“Did you like his work?” Zvezda returned the question. Innokentij silently damned his friend. Why did he ask him like that? Like he didn't also fuck a guy. Innokentij felt dirty while he stared at the veins of the wooden tv table and tried his best to forget how Dimka’s tongue had felt on his skin.
He made a barely noticeable nod. Zvezda noticed it anyway and chuckled in his usual condescending way. It sent shivers down his spine. Why was he like this? The tension that had been building up, seemingly under their entire friendship, was at its breaking point. The room was vibrating with warmth and unsaid words.
“I guess,” he mumbled. He could hear Zvezda shifting around on the couch behind him. Innokentij felt nauseous.
“I won't do it again, though,” he heard himself say. That was a big fat lie, he would kill to touch someone like that again.
“Why not?” Zvezda pressed. Curse him and his sleazy questions and his husky voice and that teasing grin he felt burning against the back of his head. Innokentij pressed his eyelids close as hard as he could to make him think of something else.
“I won't do it again, because it’s wrong and I just don't want to.” With that, he stood up and grabbed his empty beer can. “I’m going to get another beer.”
He escaped through the hallway and into the dark kitchen, knocking his shoulders into the door frames on the way.
Innokentij let out a deep breath when he entered the dark kitchen. He felt like he had just stepped out from a hot sauna into the winter air. The cold linoleum floor under his feet and the sudden need to navigate through the dark cleared his mind. He felt around for the handle to the sink cabinet, opened it and shoved the can down to the bottom of the trashcan. He could not stand being around Zvezda right now.
He grabbed the handle of the fridge and swung it open. There were a few vegetables and a pot of leftovers, but no beer. He felt a sudden surge of anger and slammed the fridge door closed. He could hear the metal shelves shake inside the fridge. He slid down and flopped back onto the cold floor. His shoulder blades moved against the floor as he swallowed slow breaths of the crispy air.
He heard quiet steps and looked up towards the doorway. There stood Zvezda. Behind him, the light from the living room illuminated his dark silhouette, making it near impossible to decipher his expression. Innokentij turned his head and hid his face in the back of his hand
“Fuck off,” he slurred. “I don’t want to look at you.”
Zvezda paused.
“..Why not?” His tone was soft and quiet. Almost pleading. He sounded honestly hurt by Innokentij’s hard words. Innokentij felt another surge of heat and let out an annoyed groan.
“Shut up!” He lifted himself up with his hands and tried his best to stand up. “Go away...”
“Not until we talk about it,” Zvezda said, “I am tired of ignoring this.”
“Don’t say anything more, Zvezda,” Innokentij sighed as he stood up, “I don’t want to.”
They both stayed, a silent stand-off in the dark kitchen.
They both took a step at the same time, Innokentij aiming for a quick squeeze around Zvezda, Zvezda grabbing Innokentij’s jacket. They both struggled in their silent fight until Zvezda locked his grip and shoved him backwards against the kitchen counters, blocking any escape route.
They froze. Completely still and quiet. Zvezda’s hands gripping onto Innokentij’s jacket and Innokentij’s own hands firmly holding Zvezda’s forearms. A perfect stalemate, just a few centimeters away from each other. Innokentij could feel the warmth of Zvezda's face just below his own.
“Please, Kesha.” His pleading whisper made something inside Innokentij curl up. It was strange and new and horrible, and his hands, like an instinct, shot up to Zvezda's face and covered his mouth. Zvezda just as quickly grabbed and pushed away his arms. The shove made Zvezda step back a bit, and from below the visor of his black sports cap, his eyes stared.
"Don't say stuff like that," Innokentij whispered, "It's..." He hesitated. No, he should not speak it into existance.
"What?" Zvezda hissed, "What is it, Kesha? Say it." Innokentij looked down at his feet. His stern but hushed voice was tainted with a whimper
"Leaving you as it is now will be hard enough." He looked back up at his friend. "Don't complicate things."
He wanted to say something, anything to stop this madness, but it only came out as rugged breaths. Something wretched deep inside him didn't want to tell Zvezda to stop. His eyes darted around the dark kitchen to find something to look at that wasn't his friend, but ultimately his gaze landed on the magnetic eyes below him. In the dim room he could barely make out Zvezda’s features under the visor of his black sports cap, but he could feel the want glimmering in Zvezda’s eyes.
“Please…”
Innokentij's face was warm. He opened his mouth to answer and heard himself dragging in a rugged, animalistic breath, like he was filling his lungs with the other’s scent. Zvezda’s hands were vibrating against Innokentij’s jacket. He could feel Zvezda’s need to touch him whirring around him. He was like an animal, patiently waiting for permission to devour a steak. Silently begging, like a dog.
Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was something else, something more wretched and sinful, that made Innokentij relax. He realized that he didn't mind being dog food tonight. Or any other night for that matter. He relaxed his grip and lidded his eyes. He could give in to pleasure, just one more time.
[I CAN'T WRITE SEX OR FOREPLAY OR EVEN NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOR, I AM SORRY]
Innokentij slowly leaned down towards Zvezda. He let go of his friend’s arm and placed it on the back of Zvezda’s neck.
[might discard this, who knows]
Years of tension released into the dark kitchen as they desperately grabbed at each other's clothes, not wanting the embrace to end. Innokentij put his hand on Zvezda’s lower back and pulled him nearer, closing any empty space still between them. He felt Zvezda’s drunken erection pushed against his leg. It made him shiver once more, the feeling of being so desired. He smirked into the kiss and teased Zvezda’s lips with his tongue. His friend almost instantly parted his lips and let him slip his tongue in. They angled their heads to more comfortable positions. Zvezda tasted like the cheap beer they had been drinking through the night. Innokentij felt a surge of that familiar heat through his body, but it was more controlled. A wave of pleasure commanding him to kiss deeper and deeper. This was really happening.
Innokentij’s mother’s apartment, for those who want a visual key (in purple)
7.1 room: Kitchen
12.5 room: Innokentij’s mother and grandfather’s bedroom
18.1 room: Living room
12.9 room: Innokentij’s bedroom
Characters mentioned:
Zvezdelin «Zvezda»Innokentij «Kesha»